Pretty Snarky

Do not rent We Bought A Zoo. Don’t even check it out at the library.

I know the reviews were bad, but I’m pretty loyal to Cameron Crowe. He wrote Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Say Anything, Almost Famous. I’m even a fan of Elizabethtown. Yeah, it’s a giant mess overall, but it has enough of the great moments to make it entirely worth it. (I’m pretty iffy on Vanilla Sky and Jerry McGuire, but I see what people liked in them.)

It’s hard to find anything nice to say about this one.

First, the timing of the release was horrible, coming on the heels of the “private zoo” debacle in Ohio (where the guy set free all the animals before killing himself.)

Second, Scarlett Johansson and Matt Damon are awful together. I don’t know if the original script was clearer as to the intent of their relationship, but I swear you can’t tell if it’s supposed to be a romance or not…even at the end!

Third, it’s unclear what is supposed to be interesting. A widower wants a change, so he buys a small zoo and moves his kids there. The older son is angry about losing his mom, so he pouts. The little girl is adorable and makes all sorts of cute faces at the animals. The zoo employees are supposed to be a motley crew of eccentrics, but they aren’t. And then they bring in Thomas Haden Church to do what he does…sarcastic, callous brother-in-law with a soft nougat center. But he does that in every movie, so it adds no spice.

It’s boring, but worse, it has no reason for being. I suspect Cameron figured this out during filming, because, in what seems like a last ditch effort to find something to recommend it, the movie basically descends into shot after shot of Rosie making this face:

If just one person is spared this film, the five minutes it took me to write this will have been worth it.

- Jen

Okay, I need more room in the car and I have this box of merch that I’d like to clear out. My need for space is you chance for a great deal.

I have 8 sets of TBTL greeting cards (set of 5, each with a different TBTL saying)

$5 (includes taxes and s/h)

And I have exactly 2 “Fireflies in a jar” t-shirts left. 1 is a Large and 1 is an XXLarge

UPDATE: T-shirts are gone (thanks Dave and Luke!)

$10 (includes taxes and s/h)

Just send me an email telling me what you want and I’ll send you the payment info.

jen at prettynarky.com

Written by Adriana Trigiani, The Shoemaker’s Wife begins in 1905 when a young widow, unable to care for her children, leaves them at a convent in a mountain village in Italy. From there we follow Eduardo (10) and Ciro (8) as they grow into good and strong men who nevertheless carry the shadow of abandonment.

I really liked the book for the most part. It isn’t relentlessly sad and unjust (or instance, the nuns are actually kind and provide a loving home.) But there is enough pain and loss for the story to grip you and make you care what happens to these boys that you’ve come to adore.

The main problem is the author’s need to give little lessons. She often will stop in the middle of the scene to impart her wisdom in the guise of character development. Allow me to paraphrase from memory…“and when he got in bed and closed his eyes to sleep he realized that he needed to be a hard worker and never complain and save his money. The most important part of being a man was shouldering his responsibilities with a good attitude…”

I found it distracting and pedantic, but it didn’t ruin the book for me because I loved the boys and wanted to know what would happen to them next.

I recently saw Shawn Colvin and Mary Chapin Carpenter perform the Merle Haggard classic, That’s the Way Love Goes (as opposed to the Janet Jackson classic of the same name.) It was almost like the audience was caught up in a collective womb, it was so peaceful and beautiful. The best version of it I can find is this performance a couple years ago:

Wistful and lovely, right? I think there’s something magical in that song.

- Jen

Will Jimmy loan Sehwan the money? One fellow tweeter suggested starting with $1000 and seeing how it goes.

I say this country was built on trust (except the native American part…and the slavery part…and the whole “it’s ok to beat your wife if the stick isn’t too thick” part…) let’s take a chance on Sehwan! And by “let’s” I mean I’ll support Jimmy emotionally in making this urgently needed loan.

- Jen

First, like most Americans my age, I only know about vegemite from the Men at Work classic, “Down Under” which many of you know was a very confusing song for me in childhood. Despite the song’s title, I believed for many many years that he was singing “I come from a land out of love” which gave the song a tragic underpinning that, I suppose isn’t actually there.

I just saw a news report that vegemite is losing popularity in that land (down under or out of love, whichever you prefer) and is looking to spread (no pun intended) out to other countries. So realizing this could be my opportunity to finally make a vegemite sandwich, I did a little research.

Made from yeast extract — a byproduct of beer brewing — it’s a brownish, salty, meaty food paste

It’s sounds and looks disgusting and the packaging is unappetizing too. I still want to try it, since that’s what makes life interesting (and it seemed to really perk Colin Hay up in the video) but I’m less enthusiastic. I was definitely more into driving to World Imports today to get a jar before reading “meaty food paste.”

If you’re looking to do something quintessentially Aussie, I can heartily recommend a Tim Tam Slam!

I’ll get back to you on the vegemite.

- Jen

Lena Dunham was tweeting pictures from her birthday party over the weekend and this one made me jealous:

Regarding New Girl: I thought the finale was just right. The whole gang camping in the desert with Nick’s old mixtape for background felt happy and good. Plus, they didn’t do the Jess and Nick Kiss, which we all were so sure was coming. Instead, Jess took on a coyote with a “meep meep” and won. You have to admit, that was unexpected.

Regarding Girls: I didn’t think last night’s episode was one of its best, but the opening scene in the apartment with Marnie’s boyfriend leaving her (and taking the coffee table with him) was great. Simply because Hannah’s self-involvement has no bounds. First, her clarification about the journal actually being a notebook; then, her complaint that he bumped her ankle when he took the table “Don’t hit us”; and finally asking Marnie if the journal entry, which just ruined the relationship, was good writing. Classic Hannah, and I mean that in the best way. I’ll say it again, I just like her.

But back to Schmidt being my friend…

- Jen

*I hope to God that’s his real mom

*We will all be paying for his therapy in about 10 years after he lives through his childhood as the 2nd grade breastfeeding cover boy

*I hope that chair is sturdy, because if he goes down, she’s in for a lot of pain

*Was it really necessary to pick the size 2 mom, who represents next to no one in America?

*He looks a little terrified. Is it “Oh my God that camera just took my picture and now everyone knows?” or “Why does this lady make me do this?”

*The camo is a nice touch. I assume it’s a subliminal message that breastfeeding is manly at all ages?

*I can’t imagine that the advocates of “attachment parenting” thought this was going to help the cause…it doesn’t.

- Jen

An American student in China has become an internet sensation after a stranger took pictures of him sharing some french fries and water with a homeless woman in Nanjing.

After the photos were put online, they went viral and now hundreds of thousands of people have forwarded them, calling him “American French Fry Brother.” According to the article in the LATimes, some in China see this as an opportunity for some soul searching, believing that their”country’s blind pursuit of wealth has created a moral vacuum, causing feelings of indifference toward the suffering of strangers.”

I don’t know about any of that. I’m just so happy an American, traveling internationally, is making headlines not connected to murdering roommates or being jerks, but for being a nice human being.

American French Fry Brother, Jason Loose, isn’t so sure he did anything that great. “I just gave some food that isn’t really even healthy to an old woman and talked with her for a few minutes. I don’t see much that’s newsworthy about that.”

Clearly, it’s newsworthy to thousands of people in China.

- Jen

I’ve recently rented a bunch of movies from Redbox; I figured they each need about 30 seconds to review.

Haywire: Steven Soderbergh directed, and it’s very Ocean’s 11 in style. Basic Idea: A female agent gets screwed over in the field, doesn’t know who she can trust and has to save the day and exact revenge. The plot:  sort of a mess, but in a fun way. You can just sit back with popcorn and check your brain at the door and you’ll have a good time. Actors: The lead, Gina Carano is an MMA star, so she definitely has the physicality down. She’s likeable enough but not much of an actress. Everyone else in the movie is a famous movie star: Ewan MacGregor, Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas, Michael Fassbender and Channing Tatum and Bill Paxton.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes: Once the apes start taking over, it’s a blast. (Unfortunately, you do have to sit through the required sad scenes of the animals being mistreated, so you can cheer for them when they rebel.) James Franco stars and is a little bland but fine as the Alzheimers researcher using apes to find a cure. In a landslide, Andy Serkis steals the day doing his “Gollum style acting” as the beloved ape who lives with Franco. This is one smart ape and Serkis conveys all of the intelligence, heart, and frustration necessary to make us fall in love with him and believe that he could lead this uprising that ends up with a planet a ruled by apes.

Mission Impossible  (Ghost Protocol): I honest couldn’t begin to explain the plot. Just like the other movies in the series, Tom Cruise leads his team from one impossible scenario to another, barely escaping death each time, and making you hold your breath while having a mild heart attack. It’s sheer excitement from start to finish and the stunts are truly amazing. If you are looking for character development or themes or…anything outside of “oh my God he’s totally gonna die” this is not the movie for you. It is fun to see Sawyer from Lost, and Tom Wilkinson makes a quick appearance as well. Jeremy Renner co-stars but he’s not particularly engaging or believable as an action star, which makes me concerned about the new Bourne movie. (He is taking over the franchise from Matt Damon.) But maybe he needed a little more from the script too.

- Jen